When You’ve Never Fit In

Most of us aren’t completely satisfied with ourselves. Take me for example, I’m nowhere near it. I’m self conscience about my body size, I always feel like an outsider, I’m a total dork, and so much more. I’ve learned to accept these things but not necessarily embrace them. I try to be confident, but that little voice inside my head will just never shut up. I’m always trying to suck in my stomach and avoid any and all eye contact. I don’t know what it is about me but I’ve never fit in. I probably never will and even though I’ve accepted it, being an outsider will never be fun. It’s never fun to sit by yourself because you’re so used to rejection, you won’t even try to go say hello to someone new because you’re barely sure your friends truly like you or you always feel left out of the loop. And then, there’s the dork in me. I’ve always been able to amuse myself. Only children are typically pretty good at lonely. But by getting good with my loneliness, I got very in touch with the weird. No one likes weird people as much as we all like to pretend we do. We can say we’re open to all these things and we might be open to letting people do as they please, but we’re not gonna wanna be friends with them. But back to me. Here I am at 18, still as self conscious and scared as I was at 7 when I invited every one to my birthday party and none of them came. Wanting to finally fit in and knowing I never will. 

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Sydney I love this! We are so much more alike than we think we are. We can be weird together and be alone together and grow together.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. WhenD says:

    Very introspective and telling. I can very much relate. I am the ‘dork’ in my circle and I relish in it. I am comfortable in it. It’s me! You keep being you. Keep moving forward. You are great at it! 😜


  3. Winbush says:

    Hey, I think this is really good. You related to more people than you might have thought. And, I mean, sometimes it’s better not to fit in, depending on the crowd 😌 (Please keep that in mind). You are unique and beautiful, regardless of what you and others might think, and that’s fact because God made you like who? Him lol. Please don’t question why I’m writing this, I know it’s really out of the blue. But I just wanted to encourage you. I’ve felt the same way for a very long time, especially in high school. And even now. But anyways I know it’ll get better for the both of us (I see it already has for you). Keep up the good work.

    P.S. I’m Sorry about your birthday party. Good news is you’ve got many more to come.

    ✌🏾️✌🏾✌🏾 (Yes, I know this was probably weird)


  4. No one came to my birthday parties either and sometimes I skip eating so I won’t have to sit by myself in the cafe and I wonder how anyone could possibly like me when sometimes even I don’t like me. But it’s my inner hope that one I do something so amazing that strangers try to convince the people around them that they knew me back in high school or college. Lol I don’t know, but I liked this post. I identify so much with it.

    Liked by 1 person

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